A Boy Who Made All The Wrong Choices
by ashsun3959
Summary: Two years after the war. Draco isn't who he once was and feels immense guilt. What will come of him as he tries to right all his wrongs? Reviews appreciated!
1. Regrets

_Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices…_

_Why didn't you tell her? You knew it was me…_

_Well done Draco…_

_Draco…if we are the ones to hand him over to the dark lord…I was chosen!_

_AVADA KEDAVRA!_

Draco awoke, sweat covering him. His left arm tinged with pain; the scar of was once there was always a painful reminder. He was used to having these nightmares by now. Every night for the past two years this had been going on, and he couldn't escape it. Even with the battle of Hogwarts and the fall of voldemort far behind him, not a day had truly gone by.

He was living in a room above the three broomsticks, because of the fact that after the war his father had gone to jail and their house was given up for investigation. His mother still resided at manor, but she had insisted Draco leave as to not deal with all the mess that would follow. He would never admit it, but the last thing he wanted to do was leave his mother.

Draco got out of bed, got dressed, and started downstairs. He was so frail and thin now, a shell of what he once was. It had to have been after noon by now. He usually slept late. He wore a big dark cloak that covered almost his entire face. Because of all his father had done during the war, to most people the Malfoy family was a disgrace so he'd rather not be seen. Sitting down in a dark corner, he ordered a large firewhiskey. That's usually how he spent his days. Drinking, and wallowing in his depressed state. Ever since the war Draco had changed. He was depressed, regretful, and really saw no purpose in life anymore. No one would ever accept him now. Life would be pointless. He couldn't even get a job, so he had to live on what little of the Malfoy fortune he had.

Suddenly he heard a loud ruckus coming from the entrance to the pub. Ten or fifteen young children stepped in at once. "_Must have started a new term at Hogwarts."_ He thought to himself. It was so strange to see all the students. It caused him to reminisce on his years at school, which he tried to stay away from. They all looked so innocent, not a care in the world; something Draco desperately wanted back. He couldn't help feeling as if he was robbed of his childhood or at least part of it. _"It's all my fault though. I chose the path."_

That night, Draco hardly slept. Tossing and turning, his mind was still engulfed with thoughts of Hogwarts, regret, and nostalgia. As he did drift into sleep though, he began to dream. He dreamt about all he had thought the previous day. His younger years, his transformation into death eater, and then finally…everyone he had wronged or had died because of him. Dumbledore, Fred, Tonks, Lupin. He thought heavily of Harry, Ron, and Hermione also. The immense guilt woke him from his slumber. Breathing deeply, heart racing he said,

"I've got to set this right. I've got to fix this."


	2. Unaccepted

The next morning, Draco set off on his quest. He left the Three Broomsticks and apparated. When he was on solid ground, he recognized immediately where he was. "_Berkshire…Pansy."_ This was the town right over from where Malfoy Manor was located. Pansy and Draco would always meet at the bridge that connected the two towns. This time though, for completely different reasons.

He walked narrow dirt path, passing quite a few houses along the way. Finally he spotted it. The Parkinson house wasn't hard to see. It was very big (not as big as Draco's manor though) it had large marble steps and dark stained wood for the outside. He took a deep breath, walked up on to the large porch, and knocked on the enormous door. Moments passed and Draco began to get nervous, then she opened the door.

"_Pansy…hi there." _She stood looking very stunned. Neither of them had seen each other since the battle.

"_Malfoy. What…what are you doing here?" _she said quite plainly.

"_Could I have a word? In private." _He asked, motioning her over to the porch swing; she agreed.

There were a few minutes of awkward silence, and then Draco began talking. He told her the whole story. Every day since the war; about his dark mark, his home, his guilt, everything. Pansy didn't even know what to say.

"_I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I forced you to be on my side. I did horrible things and I realize that now. I hope you forgive me, and I was also wondering if you'd want to accompany me the rest of the way. You know, to apologize, clear our name and all that."_

She stood up quickly after he finished and looked a little insulted. _"How dare you! What's wrong with you Draco? Have you gone mad? Just because the dark lord was defeated doesn't mean I regret what I did or what I stand for. I can't believe you would be that weak, turn into one of…them. Until you clear your head don't mind ever speaking to me again. You're as good as a mudblood or blood traitor me in your 'current state'. Goodbye Malfoy."_

She slammed the door in his face. Holding his forehead in disappointment, he thought to himself that he deserved that. He couldn't expect the people he had been friends with for so long to up and accept this new Draco. He hadn't fully accepted it himself yet. Nevertheless, he continued on. Goyle was next. Much to Draco's displeasure, this had close to the same outcome. Goyle wasn't as 'friendly' as Pansy had been. He spit in Draco's face and almost knocked his block off. He had managed to leave with only a bloody lip. The next destination was the one he loathed the most, Azkaban. He had to go see his father. They hadn't ever had the best of relationships, but Draco didn't know what else to do.

The dark cobblestone walkway seemed to go on an eternity. He had to make his way through so many guards and security to just reach the inside. Dementors were all around him. The chill in the air was almost sickly frightening. Staring at the ground, Draco walked up to the front desk and cleared his throat.

"_Ahem…visitation permission please."_ He said in a low shaky voice. The guard looked down at him.

"_Name?"_

"_Malfoy, Lucius."_

"_Indeed. The guards will escort you. Ten minutes only."_ The man at the front desk motioned Draco to follow two guards down a dark hallway. After a long walk he saw it. His father's cell. The small frail man inside was almost unrecognizable.

"_Father."_

"_Draco…son. What…what brings you to me? You shouldn't be in this place."_

"_I…I came here to apologize, and also to say that I forgive you."_

"_What are you saying?"_

"_I've been doing a lot of thinking out on my own, and I realized how…how awful we were doing the dark lord's reign. I've come to tell you that I'm no longer like that and I'm in the process of forgiving myself. Blood status really means nothing. And I forgive you too father, if you'd like, we could work on this together. You know, become better people."_

Lucius looked up, eyes widening by the second and his teeth clenched so tight that Draco took a few steps back.

"_What in merlin's name did you just say to me? Better people? What rubbish is this!? You think we were wrong Draco!? How dare you. And to say I'm not a good person, really, I was one of the most respected men in the wizarding world until the fall. We were the dark lord's right hand men until you! You were the coward! If you had only stood with us. And how dare you sneer blood status. You call yourself a Malfoy, my son? No more. YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT!"_

Draco ran out as quickly as he could, small warm tears beginning to form on his cheeks. He apparated out of there as fast as he could, ran up to his room, and slammed the door. It was nearing sunset now, and Draco collapsed on his bead, head spinning faster than he could keep up. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He lost two of his closest school friends, and he would probably never see his father again. The idea of changing his ways began to seem stupid and impossible. How could he ever be forgiven? He had been a death eater, and in some people's eyes, he always would be.

After an hour of sitting up in his room, he decided to go to another location. He closed his eyes and apparated once again.


	3. Coward

_**In Memorandum: To all those who risked their lives for the safety of the entire wizarding world~1998**_

Draco had seen this sign a few times before but never went beyond it. He was only a mile outside Hogwarts grounds, and that's where it was. The battle of Hogwarts memorial graveyard. Almost everyone who had lost their lives in the battle was buried here. Draco opened the gate and began walking. There were hundreds of tombstones spread throughout. Each one plucked at his heart, making him weaker. He couldn't stop the thoughts of knowing he was on the side that caused all this death and destruction.

Further and further down the path he went. With each step he could feel the deep knot in his throat and the warm tears beginning to form on his eyes; but he could let go. _Hold it together Malfoy! _He thought to himself. He looked over and began recognizing some of their names. _Collin Creevey, Lavender Brown, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, _were just a few. His knees started to tremble. He pulled his hair and clenched his teeth.

"_I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Ahhhh! I can't….I can't do this anymore. It is a crime that I lived and you lost everything. I deserved the curse, the hex, or anything else any of you had done to you. I can't keep on like this. I just can't do it."_ He apparated and was gone.

Where he went next, he wasn't even sure. Surrounded by dark woods and a cool breeze he began to look around quickly. He started to walk a ways and then it started coming back to him. He was near the edge of the dark forest. Then, off in the horizon, came a strange white light overhead. Draco had no choice but to go investigate. He walked over a hill and saw a huge marble tomb. He knew instantly.

"_Dumbledore."_

Draco's eyes went huge, and his face went completely white. Slowly, he stepped up to it. When he stood next to it, he finally let go. Dropped to his knees and started bawling. He held on to the marble stone with one hand and held his face with the other. Even though he hadn't cast the curse, he had ALWAYS felt fully responsible for his death. Draco never would've admitted it, but he had always thought the world of his headmaster while he attended school. The mission to kill Dumbledore literally tore Draco apart from the inside out, nearly driven him mad at times. But what choice did he have?

"_A complete coward! I…I deserve what you got, you know? You knew all along about me, I was too stupid to see it. How could you let me get away with it all? You could've stopped me in an instant if you had wanted to, and then our roles would be reversed now. But I suppose what I get is worse. I deserve to live with all this guilt because I brought it on myself. Too scared to stand up for what was right, and now that I am…it's too late. I will forever regret it and never live with myself completely. You were a fantastic man, Dumbledore, if that means anything."_

Draco picked himself up, wiped his stray tears, took one last look and then disappeared. Back to the three broomsticks he went, and for the rest of the night he drank. Drank away all his sorrow, guilt, and every other feeling he had. He needed to escape it all. Enter a place where his current world didn't exist. Blackness.


	4. The Root of the Problem

Time was a blur for Draco after his time visiting Dumbledore. Time passed, but it all seemed like a dream. His whole life now seemed like something so unreal. To outside eyes, he seemed a shell of what he once was.

On this particular day, he decided to not stay up in his room all day, but go sit outside the three broomsticks and enjoy to cool autumn air paired with a butterbeer. Something he considered out of the ordinary. He surprisingly enough, enjoyed this. The stress of what he had been dealing with as of late seemed to slip away for a small moment. While reading the latest addition of the daily prophet, he glanced at his watch. 12:30 already? It caught him off guard of quickly time had passed. When he looked up he spotted several small groups of Hogwarts students, presumably coming down for their first hogsmeade trip. He wasn't much on big crowds anymore so he put his cloak hood up and buried his face back in the paper. This was really the only time it got terribly busy.

The entrance to the three broomsticks became quite crowded, but Draco just tuned everyone out. About a half an hour later, He spotted a young woman sneaking a glance at him from the table over, then quickly looking away. This happened a few more times, but Draco brushed it off as nothing. That is, until she began to approach him. He stiffened up as she faced him, trying to peer under his hood.

"Malfoy? Is that you?" Draco nearly fell out of his chair. Who could possibly know him out here? He looked up at her surprised. "It is you! Blimey, I haven't seen you in ages."

Draco searched his brain, but had no recollection of who this girl could've been.

"Sorry? I'm afraid you've lost me." He said cautiously. The girl sat down and rolled her eyes.

"Draco it's me, Astoria Greengrass. Don't you remember? You and my sister Daphne were right good pals. We all hung out sometimes in the common room."

Suddenly Draco remembered. "Greengrass! Oh I'm sorry. It's been a while, you know."

"Yes," she began slowly. "So how've you been?"

"Fine. Nothing special going on with me."

"I see. Well, I hate to cut this short, but I have to return to school. It was nice chatting with you though, Draco. It would be nice to meet again. I might see you next trip, bye now! Oh and by the way," she said looking back at him, "Try and take the hood down sometimes. Might scare people off."

Draco wasn't sure how to take all that had just happened. And so quickly at that. He had to admit though, it was good seeing a friend from school. It had been one of the only few he had seen since he left Hogwarts. Overall, a good day for him.

As November came, to his surprise, he had met with Astoria two more times in the weekends afterwards. They talked mostly. She, about school and the stresses of seventh year, and he about, not much actually. He didn't dare broach the subject of the mess that was his life. Nevertheless, they always had a good time. Once they even stopped in at Honeydukes together and indulged on some chocolate frogs. He quite enjoyed this. It seemed as if, within all the darkness, he still had a little bit to look forward to. When December came, so did Draco's nightmares. They had gone for a while, but never truly disappeared. Most recently, he had dreams about his encounter with Potter in the room of requirement. How Harry had indeed saved his life. In the nightmares though, his fate was different. As well as dreams of holding potter and his friend's captive in their manor, and his aunt Bellatrix torturing the Granger girl. Screams and shouts of pain tormented Draco for nights on end. Finally he decided one night after awaking, "I have to tell someone."

The next weekend, he opened up to Astoria, seeing as though she was really the only one he could trust. He told everything, every last detail. From his grave visits to his nightmares to his father practically disowning him right there in Azkaban.

"Oh Draco…" Astoria began, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Look Astoria, I don't need your sympathy. I just needed someone to talk to alright?" he said, rather rudely.

"And I'm here for you. Excuse me if I feel bad. Well, would you like some help?"

"Help?" he looked at her questionably.

"You know, to help you get over this. There's always a way. And it seems to me that it would help you a lot to forgive yourself, and don't tell me that's not what you want."

He was silent for a moment. "Alright, what do you purpose I do then?"

"Think of the cause of all this guilt. I mean really hard. What do you think is causing it?"

"Haven't you been listening?" he said, getting irritated. "All I did during the war…I was a bloody deatheater! Helped you know who do all those…terrible...things."

"Draco, I understand that," she said coolly "But I mean the main cause. The root if you will. What is something that sticks out more than anything else when you think of the guilt?"

Draco sat back for a moment, half wishing he hadn't told her anything. His jaw gripped tight when he said, "Potter."


	5. A New Start

_Draco sat back for a moment, half wishing he hadn't told her anything. His jaw gripped tight when he said, "Potter."_

"Potter? Harry Potter?" Astoria questioned, a bit confused.

"Oh bloody hell, of course Harry potter!" Draco said burying his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry…it's just, I don't fully understand."

"It's not just him. It's the whole lot of them; Potter, Granger, and all of the Weasley's. For seven years I was nothing but a prat. I caused so much hurt, pain, and anger for them and then the war came. I thought I wanted to kill them, figured it was my duty and I'd finally be happy with them gone but that wasn't the case. I couldn't sit there and watch them die. Then they…they all three saved my life," he yelled slamming his fist down on the table. "I should've died in the room of requirement that night as the coward I was but, even after all I'd done, they saved me. And how did they get repaid? With multiple dead friends and a dead brother!" Tears fell now.

"Draco…you didn't kill anyone. That's not your fault."

"But I was on that side wasn't I? That's what counts!"

Astoria was becoming unsure of how to handle the situation, but then something sprang in her mind.

"Okay. I know what you need to do. In order to forgive yourself, you have to see others forgive you first. You have to go see them and tell them everything."

Draco nearly spit out his butterbeer he had been sipping on. "Sorry? Go talk to them? You're mad! They'd bloody well slit my throat if I showed up even a hundred feet from them."

"I think you're wrong. I mean you're not their favorite person but they did save you didn't they? I'd say it's a must."

"But…"

"No Draco. That settles it. This is for your own good. I'll come back next week on Christmas Eve and we'll go together. See you then." She said getting up and leaving.

Draco sat, dumbfounded and nervous. _I can't believe I'm doing this. It…it'll just blow up in my face._

Time passed too quickly for Draco's taste. It was already December twenty fourth and Greengrass was on her way down to meet him. Snow covered the ground like a thick blanket, and the crisp air made Draco shiver, but nervousness contributed to that as well. Finally, Astoria was there. She and Draco joined hands and apparated.

They stumbled a little on their arrival, but overall it was smooth. There they were, on the outskirts of the burrow. Draco could see light coming from the house up ahead. They began to walk; with each step he began to regret this trip. A few more feet and then something caught his eye. As the view became clearer it was easy to make out.

"Astoria…oh no. Look." He said shakily, pointing. Astoria clamped her hand over her mouth. Draco took a few more steps until he was directly in front of it. It read,

_**Fred Weasley: Gone but Never Forgotten**_

_**Beloved son, brother, and friend.**_

_**(1 April, 1978 - 2 May, 1998)**_

Draco began to seem as if he was going to stumble over, but Astoria wrapped her arm around his in comfort. "It's okay. You can do this…I'm here." He nodded his head at this and they started walking again until they reached the burrow door. Voices could be heard from the outside. Astoria looked over at her weak looking friend and nodded. "Go on." She said soothingly. Draco gritted his teeth, took a deep breath, and slowly knocked three times. It seemed that an eternity passed before someone answered (which, in reality was about five seconds). Then, there he stood. It was Harry.

It took a moment for him to register what he was seeing. Both men stood, looking at each other nervously. Then, Harry quietly but sternly spoke. "M…Malfoy?" he said, clearly surprised.

"Potter…I'm…I'm sorry." But he was cut off.

"Oi, Harry! Who is it mate? Who's at the…"

Ron Weasley was standing with them now. First looking surprised and then furious. "What the bloody hell are you doing here!? Get away from here!"

Then came another familiar voice, "Ron…Ron what's going…" It was Granger.

"It's that idiot. Well come on then, go! Get away!" He started closing the door until Draco finally spoke up.

"Wait! Please….I…I know I'm the last person you want to see, believe me. But…I had to come. You don't understand."

"Understand what!?" Ron yelled. Hermione took his shoulder as to quiet him down.

"Just tell us what you want Malfoy." Harry said flatly.

"Look, I know this is strange, I get it. But please. I just need five minutes. I need to explain!" his voice trembled. Moments passed until someone spoke again.

"Alright…five minutes." Harry said, stepping out of the way to let the two slytherins pass.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Astoria all gathered in the Weasley living room and sat, awkwardly for a few moments. Then Ron spoke:

"Alright, spit it out then."

Draco breathed uneasily and then began,

"Okay. I know you're wondering why I'm here. Especially since you probably despise me, and the fact that you haven't even seen me in two years. The truth is I've been hiding out. Not because I'm on the run, but because I can't even bare to let myself out in public…because I'm ashamed. You'll probably think I'm lying, but that's not further from the truth. When I think about all I did during the war…I can hardly stomach it. Especially towards you three. The guilt has been eating be alive every day since. So this is why I'm here…to apologize. To you all and your family. For all the pain I caused you, I truly am dreadfully sorry. That doesn't count as much, I realize…but it's really all I have to offer you. Nothing will make up for all the years I was just a bloody idiot. Harry, Ron, Hermione….I…I'm just so, so sorry. If there's anything I could do…I would." His voice was shaky with the familiar sadness and regret he had gotten to know so well. "Well, I guess that's it then. It doesn't count as much but…I just want you all to know, I don't forgive myself for what I did, and I don't expect you all to either. Just realize that I mean every word." He started getting up now and heading towards the door; but before he did, he turned back, "and Ron…I'm…really sorry about Fred." He said as a tear streaked down his face.

Just before Draco and Astoria reached the outside, they heard in unison a loud "Wait!"

All three of his former enemies looked at him with clear expressions. Hermione spoke first,

"D…Draco…" she said, having trouble with the name.

"We forgive you." Harry said, sounding true. Draco flashed a very smile and weak smile, then looked over at Ron who gave him a nod.

"Thank you…thank you so much. I don't deserve it, but I thank you." He said, turning and leaving the burrow.

Until they apparated a little while after, everything was a blur, a dream. He finally realized they had moved to a snowing street that looked a bit familiar. Astoria took Draco's hand and he engulfed her in a hug.

"Draco…are you alright?" she said, caught off guard.

"Just…thank you Astoria. You've helped me more than you could ever imagine. I couldn't have done it without you."

"You're very welcome." She said, as they let go and began to walk still holding hands.

"I never thought it would happen. I feel so much better now. But this can't end here. Astoria, I have to pay back everyone. I want to dedicate my life to making up for all my wrong doing. But how?"

Suddenly, Astoria looked over at something and smiled. "Funny you should say that…look." She said, pointing at a familiar building. A sign read,

_**St. Mungo's**_

_**New healer needed for the dark arts recovery ward.**_

_**All applicants appreciated.**_

Draco looked wide eyed and happy. He smiled. "That's it Astoria! That's it!"


End file.
